Did you know that 20% of the global population speaks English as their first language, therefore potentially 1.54 billion people are using the Oxford Learners Dictionary definition of hate. Calm down the politically correct among us I understand that hate is a strong verb, one we try not to teach our kids but it would mean that hate is defined as ‘a very strong feeling of dislike for someone or something’. Well, I hate flying along with barley and porridge, so strap yourself in as I climb onto my soapbox and discuss the topic.
Barley: As a kid growing up in Corby the youngest of five and the only Englishman in the household, my Mum would make Scotch broth for the family – originating in Scotland (hence the name), its principal ingredients are BARLEY, stewing cuts of meat, root vegetables and dried pulses and we were brought up on the stuff. I would get a clip round the ear for trying to remove barley from my broth with my Mum muttering in Glaswegian “Bill, that Sassenachs playing up again” – I hate barley.
Porridge: My Dad started most winter mornings with PORRIDGE, not any old porridge but Scotland’s famous Scotts Porage Oats, whose recipe was conceived in 1880 in Glasgow before moving to Auld Reekie (Scots for Old Smoky or Edinburgh) in 1909. So Scotts Porage Oats, steeped in history and the staple diet of the Anderson Clan was used to transform a Sassenach into a Clansman. I would be encouraged to eat Scotts Porage Oats floating in milk just like my Dad but without puking – I hate porridge but not Ready Brek, I loved Ready Brek much to the dislike of the Clan.
However, I do hate FLYING with a passion, everything about it I hate but specifically turbulence. Dante Alighieri was a 14th Century Italian writer. Little do people know that Dante’s Inferno had ten rings, not nine – the tenth reserved for two eejits, Wilbur and Orville Wright for inventing the Kitty Hawk that flew for the first time on December 17th, 1903. I hate flying short distance but especially hate flying internationally, every two years we fly back to Blighty, and it’s the worst 24hrs of my life, but my daughter loves it, especially the turbulence – weirdo!
I know its impressive how I link snippets of information to announce the fact that I will be boarding one of those godforsaken contraptions in six days in the name of Camp Quality to head on out to Brisvegas and start a 1000ks 4 Kids. The Carbon Fibre Stallion will be loaded onto the Arc tomorrow morning along with my luggage and enough Australian Butt cream to stop my backside resembling that of a Wombat. Yes, I am ready Family and Friends. So, let’s get this party started and remember to follow the Blog as daily updates will keep you informed and hopefully entertained. Oh and to let you into a little secret, I’m staying at Dishy’s the night before the flight as it at daft o’clock BUT…….
…….as a kid growing up in the 80s I would watch the best TV show of all time – The A-Team. Every Saturday night at about 6 pm, I would wait in wonder to hear John Ashley say ‘10 years ago a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team’. Well the A–Team’s leader Lieutenant Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith (played by George Peppard) had to drug BA Baracus to get him on a bloody plane – Morning Dishy!
So finally, a word from my last two sponsors. To my team I thank you for putting up with my monthly Coffee 4 Kids emails that tried to entice you to part with your hard-earned cash in exchange for my comedic writing, the easy task of allocating nicknames to everyone and when all else fails, making stuff up which I found funny. Your donation is humbling and life changing for a kid doing it tough.
To my family thank you for donating to the Remembrance Day jersey, I will wear it with pride, it will be an emotional day, and that days Blog will remember our family members who we miss so very much.
In closing, a song that reminds me of the Game Bird on a Thursday night where I would bump into Karen, have the best of nights with the lads (Darren, Rob, Mike, Andy and Tony) and little did I know my future wife was in there as well – its our 21st wedding anniversary today, 21 years of marital bliss! . Enjoy The Psychedelic Furs on Top of the Pops with their 1981 single Pretty in Pink reaching No18 in the UK Top 40.
Badger & Batbottom 