I Got You Babe…

Who the F’bomb is Punxsutawney Phil…

He doesn’t own the local greasy spoon nor is he the town’s mechanic but a groundhog – bear with me, as this gets weird especially if you’re not American or German for that matter.  Anyway, on the 2^nd February Punxsutawneyans gathered on a hilltop known as Gobbler’s Knob (steady there!) to celebrate the weather wizardry of Punxsutawney Phil the local groundhog.

It all started in 1887 when Clymer Freas, the local newspaper editor sold the idea to the local groundhog hunters known as the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club of trying to predict the length of winter based upon whether or not a rodent saw its shadow when emerging from its burrow – unusual concept but intriguing .  Now it wasn’t the Americans (and a big shout out to my American readers, well 6 of you from a population of 327 million!) that came up with the idea but the Germans who settled in Pennsylvania at the time. Although in the old country they relied more often on badgers because without going into the anatomical structure of the badger, have you ever tried lifting one, hence the groundhog.  Anyway, thousands of people turn up every year, wait for hours on Gobbler’s Knob to see Phil emerge from his burrow and if he sees his shadow due to clear weather and retreats into his burrow – winter will persist for six more weeks.  BUT if Phil does not see his shadow because of clouds say, then spring will arrive early – then Punxsutawneyans put Punxsutawney Phil on the menu!

Now I grant you the annual gathering has developed somewhat over the years and groundhog burgers are a thing of the past but here are some interesting facts.

• The groundhog or woodchuck is one of 14 species of marmots or SQUIRREL.
• Phil’s burrow can be anywhere up to 66ft long or 115 Cavendish bananas.
• Phil’s romances the ladies in March and has about 6 ‘woodies’ – that’s slang for newborns and not the morning occurrence gentlemen.
• Groundhog tastes of a cross between pork and chicken.

Where am I going with this?  Glad you asked.  Well, living in Corby I had never heard of a groundhog (saw loads of squirrels, no groundhogs) until Bill Murray got involved in the 1993 film of the same name.  Now I will not go through the plot as its repetitive (find the joke people!) but to say waking up every morning to Sonny & Cher’s ‘I Got You Babe’ would send anyone over the edge.  That’s the backstory, here’s where Groundhog Day comes in – I have now registered for the Camp Quality 1000ks 4 Kids ride this year!

Without going into the detail, the new CEO of Camp Quality jacked her job in due to, how can I put it, unassailable differences.  Another CEO has arrived who loves the idea of charitable donations from a group of Legends that support kids with cancer having fun on camps – go figure.  Therefore its back on, the big tutu wearing King is in charge of road safety, and we are doing Bathurst – Google it my global audience but it’s a V8 Supercars circuit in the town of Bathurst, and I’m doing it on a pushy – get in you beauty.

Above is a blatant use of advertised to generate funds in an attempt to make my blog financially neutral, moving on. I haven’t been contemplating my naval since the end of last year’s ride as fundraising has begun with a stroke of marketing genius (if I say so myself, which I just have!) but I’ve started Cans 4 Kids at work.  Don’t go nicking the campaign people but I get everyone at work who drinks anything in a can to put their empties in my Cans 4 Kids collection bag.  At the end of the month I take the aforementioned bag to my recycling station and collect 20¢ a can.  Although a great idea even Greta Thunberg would be proud of there are two fundamental oversights in my recycling campaign:

• At the recycling station, I stick my hand in the Can 4 Kids collection bag, grab a can and get covered in sticky Coke residue (remember there are other soft drinks available on the market).  Now you can only recycle one can at a time and on average I have 150 cans, by the time I get to can 17, I’m a source of sugary nutrition for the local insects.

• Based on the number of cans mentioned above, at this rate, I will have my fundraising to qualify for the ride by February 2028.

I need a Plan B.  Which I have so don’t panic my global audience.  Coffee 4 Kids (I know I’m bloody good). This is where the team stick a goldie in my Camp Quality donations jar, and I make coffee for them all day on the last Friday of the month.  Again, it has drawbacks as there are 30 in the team and the vast majority put a dollar in, some two SO on that, the math dictate I could get $40 a month.  Add Can 4 Kids to Coffee 4 Kids and I will have my sponsorship by July 2023 – sounds good but not good enough.

Calm down people as I have another plan, a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!  I give you Blog’in 4 Kids.  This is where you lot come in, for my monthly efforts in the realms of comedic writing, you can donate to the cause.  Look at it as an opportunity to be part of something good and you will change the life of a family you will never meet – thought provoking isn’t it.  So if you recycle donate the proceeds or if you are a barista, I feel your pain, but seriously a Deep Sea Diver will make all difference – now, if you Google ‘Deep Sea Diver’ you get “10 things no one tells you before you become a deep sea diver” but in this context, it’s a fiver – see below.

In the words of Monty Python (RIP Terry Jones – comic genius) “and now for something completely different”. What has the mighty Rs been up to this month, well we are sitting 13^th in the table, up a position on last month, which is good. We were beaten by Bristol City 1-0 and by Huddersfield 2-0, draw with Swansea City 0-0, beat Stoke City 4-2, draw with Nottingham Forest 0-0 and beat Derby County 2-1 (even Wayne Rooney could not stop the might Rs!).  That means we are 9 points from the relegation zone with 11 matches left of the season – not bad but as my math teacher used to say, ‘could do better’.

On the topic of could do better and cycling – stay with me people!.  I bought a Cycliq Fly 6&12 combo without telling the Minister for War and Finance. I wear the trousers around here but don’t tell the Minister as it could be construed as an act of war.  Well, the handlebar bracket broke on the Fly12 during my first ride, so I emailed Cycliq to outline my discontent and they were bloody brillyent!  They offered me a replacement or a 50% discount on a combination handlebar bracket that holds the Fly12 and my Wahoo – result.  Now onto my review, well you will have to wait until next month as the bloody SD cards knackered and I need to replace it after some diagnostics to ensure it wasn’t the Fly but the card.  Brace yourself my global audience my first ever review will come, tune in next month!

Oh and some free advice and the general rule on advice is that its up to you whether you use it BUT I arranged with Dishy to go on a Sunday afternoon ride. Where’s the advice. DO NOT stop for a break at the local bowlo for an hour and a half discussing business over a cheeky or two – The Minister was not impressed!

And finally……

During February a television extravaganza hit our screens, well the small screen as the largest TV in 1940 was 15 inches!  Tom and Jerry are 80!  Created by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera in 1940 as an animated series of short films.  It centers around the comic fights between an iconic pair of adversaries, a house cat called Tom and a mouse call Jerry.  Now all hell breaks loose, mayhem and destruction is common place but Tom rarely gets the better of Jerry – mainly because of Jerry’s cleverness, cunning abilities and with an ample amount of luck to boot sees Tom as always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Now we all remember these two as kids so take a moment to remember the good times, have a smile and donate a deep sea diver!