Penny for the Guy…

Oh yeah.  As a kid, I would nick my big brothers’ clothes, stuff them full of scrunched up pages of the Evening Telegraph, stick a hat on it, chucked it in an Asda shopping trolley and pushing it around Corby shouting PENNY FOR THE GUY.  But I was not alone, every kid in Corby was doing the same thing so that we could build a bonfire out of anything that would burn, stick GUY on top, torch the lot whilst we set off fireworks with the money we raised pushing GUY around Corby for about ten nights straight.

Who the hell is GUY you ask?  Well for those who are not from Corby or even the UK for that matter probably think I have lost the PLOT (subtle hint right there) but it’s all about November 5^th or Guy Fawkes night – still none the wiser.  OK, you must have heard the rhyme REMEMBER, remember the fifth of November, gunpowder, treason and plot. NO!!! its bloody Bonfire night and GUY FAWKES was the main man in the PLOT to blow up PARLIAMENT with a ridiculous amount of GUNPOWDER.

So, back to Mr Fawkes.  Born in 1570 in York, England and died quite suddenly in London in 1606 because he tried to assassinate the King of England by blowing up the House of Lords.  Now it doesn’t take Einstein to work out that such an audacious plot can only end in tears, but once he has an idea in his head, Guy won’t be talked out of it.  Guy was a soldier who got the hump with England and decided to join the Spanish army (there is more to that part, but this is the condensed version).  Guy spent a lot of time fighting, killing people and blowing up things using gunpowder.  Whilst blowing-up things across the Netherlands he bumped into another Englishman with the hump and they both decided the best way to resolve all England’s problems was to blow up Parliament.  Over the next 18 months, these two bumped into 11 other Englishmen with the hump.  Guy calculating it would take 36 barrels of gunpowder crammed into a cellar in the heavily fortified Parliamentary building just below the House of Lords to do the job any justice and set England back on the straight and narrow.

Now, what could go wrong?  Most people would be worried whether their calculations were correct, but not Guy, he had confidence in himself. Still, the night before (that’s the 4^th by the way people) he could not remember if he had extinguished the candle he had lit in the dark cellar whilst arranging the barrels in their optimum position for the maximum upward trajectory (my biggest concern would have been the FECKING candle!!).  SO like a right plonker he decided to go and double-check, he hadn’t by the way, and was caught by Robert Cecil, a minister – now I would ask the question what was a minister doing, late at night in a cellar below the House of Lords but that’s just me.  Now it was either bad luck or someone was up to no good, apart from Guy that is but that question was never asked.

Anyway, it all went downhill from there.  Guy had his sorry ass thrown into the Tower of London where he was continuously tortured until he signed a confession.  The Tower of London torturing department (TTLT for short) were pretty shrewd as they never tortured your writing hand – if you knew how to write that is.  Now guilty of treason Guy was sentenced to a traitors death, which by the way is not pleasant, he was to be hung, drawn and quartered.  This involves (skip this part if you’re squeamish) being strung up whilst they drag your insides to the outside, hung by the neck then chopped into quarters and your body parts sent to the four corners of England as a warning to others.

BUT Guy had a plan (or another PLOT) as the thought of his insides becoming his outsides didn’t appeal to his low tolerance to pain, so he jumped off of the hangman’s gallows breaking his neck.  Because the amassed crowd had not been entertainment, they built a bonfire and chucked guy on it.  Fast forward a few centuries and kids nick clothes, stuff them full of scrunched up newspaper, parade the guy around the streets asking for money, build a bonfire, stick GUY on top, light it, let off fireworks, put potatoes wrapped in tin foil in the fire without getting 3^rd-degree burns, throw some butter at the aforementioned spuds and hey presto bonfire baked potatoes – THANKS GUY!!

It’s time for some gratuitous advertising!

So what else happened in November,

• The first Thursday is National Men Make Dinner – beans on toast it is then
• JFK was assassinated on the 22^nd, 1963
• Sir Winston Churchill was born on the 30^th,1874
• Bruce Lee on the 27^th,1940
• Gordon Ramsay on the 8^th,1966
• More Serial Killers are born in November than any other month – that’s scary
• An estimated 46 million turkeys will kark it for Thanks Giving

A turkeys revenge is a dish best served cold, as deep-fried turkeys are responsible for fryers fires that kill around five people annually, sixty injuries, the destruction of roughly 900 homes and more than $15m of property damage.  OH and CORN a 42lb turkey from Iowa was pardoned by Trump – HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

STOP PRESS: The route for the 2021 1000ks4Kids is out!!!!, so my sponsorship is becoming serious now people.  SO if you want to show your appreciation, please FOLLOW my blog, at least LIKE it or even better sponsor me by clicking on the Camp Quality face below which will take you to my sponsorship page.

Now I have picked up some freebies to sell on the ride which will go directly to CampQuality as sponsorship.  It’s an American sock company called SOCK GUY.  Now I bought some top quality funky cycling socks for the ride, and they throw in about 12 pairs for good measure which will boost the sponsorship somewhat.  I thank you, SOCK GUY, and if you’re in the market for bloody funky socks for all sports then check them out, their bloody good!

YOU Rssssss………..yes it’s the Come On URs section.  The mighty Rs beat Cardiff 3-2, beat Derby 1-0, got a slap from Blackburn 3-1, drew with Watford 1-1, beat Rotherham 3-2 but lost to London rivals Brentford 2-1.  The boys are currently 15^th with 17pts.  WELL, this month we certainly never just parked the bus we got stuck into them with some absolutely fantastic performances.  When the Rs play football well, we certainly put on a show.  Our next game is against Bristol City who is supported by a friend of mine here in Oz, so I will be putting our friendship to one side as we put a few in the old onion bag and make them suffer – metaphorically speaking people.

Next month hopefully I should receive my replacement Fly6, I’m not going there this time as I will only get upset.  With that, I bid you farewell for another month and please be safe people, social distance as it saves lives, respect our front liners and for pity sake look after the oldies! – SAVVY!