Ooh, just saying…… 

It could even make it happen. We are cloudbusting daddy. For those of you who are blissfully unaware, in October 1985 Kate Bush got to No20 in the UK charts with Cloudbusting. Written, produced, and performed by the English singer she draws inspiration for the hit from Peter Reich’s 1973 memoir, A Book of Dreams. I was a teenager at the time and the thing I remember about Cloudbusting was its bloody video was never off the video jukebox in my local, Scandals. 

The backstory to Cloudbusting was the relationship between Peter and his dad, Wilhelm as they built a rain making machine called Cloudbuster. In the video Kate played Peter and Wilhelm by Donald Sutherland and the patrons of Scandals could not get enough of it along with Take on Me by A-ha. Taking a slight tangent for the youngsters amongst us, a video jukebox replaced a jukebox that played 45’s (Google vinyl records because I cannot be bothered explaining) this box of voodoo played music videos on a TV screen and in doing so establishing itself as the forerunner for streaming. Back to Kate Bush. I was about 18 when Cloudbusting was doing the rounds and all I remember about Kate Bush was her Scania wheel nuts. 

It was not all nipples poking through leotards you know; Let us move away from Kate’s nipples and focus on Cloudbusting. The video was shot on Dragon Hill in Oxfordshire, England which is directly below the Uffington White Horse (the prehistoric hill carving of the horse for my Septic readers). But did you know that Kate “fine set of Scania’s” Bush found out that Sutherland was in Blighty at the time and where he was staying and asked him personally to be in the video. Sutherland agreed to do the shoot for free as he could not get a work visa. That was interesting fact number one and for number two (and I am not referring to a poo by the way) is that the people who built the Cloudbusting machine were the very same people who made the Alien creature in the Alien Trilogy (I only recognise the first three the rest were crap.  

To recap, how do I get from Kate Bush’s nipples (sorry, refocus please) to the Easter Bunny in yellow Wellies. Well strap yourself in my global audience because I am not referring to this blog being published in April as that would be easy.  

Its 1998 and the Minister for War & Finance has the flu, just ordinary flu while I have Man Flu, yes, I know there is no comparison but let us run with it. So, it’s Easter and the Stevenson household has flu in varying conditions. As the Minister and I eat chicken soup for lunch I put the news on to see if the rest of the world has taken notice of our plight. To my surprise it hadn’t but Anna Ford from the BBC lunchtime news was reporting on localised flooding to which I thought that’s a shame for those caravanning in Great Yarmouth over Easter. My second thought was that they had it easy as the Minister can be a right royal pain when she is ill. Then to our amazement our local shops came into view, it’s the bottom of our feckin street. So, we got dressed and looking like a couple of extras from The Walking Dead, we made our way to St Leonard’s Road. 

It looked like a scene from Kevin Costner’s 1995 post apocalyptic film, Waterworld. No jet skis causing havoc but rescuers in a dingy ferrying grannies to safety without hitting submerged cars. It was mental. What you can’t see in this picture is the Easter Bunny in yellow Wellies pushing a feckin large Cloudbuster with Donald Sutherland sitting on top of it starring at Kate Bush’s Scania wheel nuts. With the image of Kate Bush’s nipples front and center lets fast forward to 2023. It’s not a ruddy great Cloudbuster but Climate Change that’s responsible for flooding – apparently. At this juncture I would like to point out a few things from the lofty heights of my very own soapbox. 

Northampton’s 1998 Easter Flood was not due to Climate Change but the feckin council building houses on a nature water run-off. When you force water to head to a river by offering no natural alternative due to manmade structures in its way, Mother Nature gets pissed off and can be a very vindictive cow!!!!!  

My second point in relation to the first. Here in Gods Own Country (not America, Septic’s, Australia) we have seasons much the same as everywhere else apart from Melbourne that tends to have all four seasons in one day – repeatedly which is a nightmare when deciding what to pack. Anyway, back to the topic in hand. It is well known that here in Oz in the summer when it’s hot we get bushfires, in winter when it rains, correction it’s not rain, its monsoons, we get flooding. That’s not my point, its that every 100 years it feckin monsoons’ for long periods, floods the joint and that is what happened last year. So the Climate Change Alarmists blame Climate Change, and the lunacy begins BUT this 100 year event is repetitive. Yes, it devastates the joint, but it also regenerates wildlife in our rivers and billabongs and the natural order of things returns to Australia. The same goes for bushfires its regenerates, sad for Koalas but that’s Mother Nature. 

Which brings me onto my final bounce Climate Change Alarmists. I’m not referring to the numptys dressed in tie dye brandishing placards looking for anyone burning fossil fuels I mean, The Twight Zone. Not the series that ran for five seasons from 1959 but that feckin monstrosity of a ride at Disney, yes that place we take our kids to so they can meet Micky. Who the feck came up with that feckin thing and for a laugh called it The Tower of Terror, I will name the feckers with questionable parenthood, there feckin Disney’s Imagineers that’s feckin who. How does that relate to Climate Change Alarmists I hear you cry, well when they drop you thirteen floors the Change in Climate is feckin Alarming!!!!!!!!! 

How do I know this, well the Minister and I went to Disney for a holiday which being newlyweds we were expecting lots of sun, fun and sex but not dropping thirteen feckin floors!!! The concept of the ride is based on the series The Twight Zone hence the name so with love in our eyes we queued for about 45 minutes which isn’t bad as you meander through the hotels gardens then you come to a door where you are met by a Bellboy. The door opens and it’s a lift (elevator for the Septic’s) and the smiling Bellboy invites you to take a seat in the lift and buckle up which is weird for a lift but anyway. The lift starts moving sideward through flashing lights where visions of The Twight Zone bombard you designed to what I can only describe as an ambience. The lift comes to a halt, and you enter a dark, damp smelling lift shaft. The lift then does what all lifts do and slowly ascends to the thirteenth floor whilst peaceful lift music is played. You arrive at the thirteenth floor, and this is where my inner voice tells me that there is no thirteenth floor in hotels due to superstition so what the feck is it doing in this one. The lift doors slowly open to reveal the whole park and the tree line beyond, the vista is truly breathtaking. Then the feckin Disney Imagineers decide to freefall you to the bottom of the hotel which is not only breathtaking, but in that moment, I became familiar with the term encopresis – Google it.  

Before I wrap up this rather nipple focused instalment of Badger and Batbottom I thought I would give you the opportunity to wonder on the glory that is CLOUDBUSTING. 

With that, be safe people, respect our front liners, choose life and, for pity’s sake, look after each other – SAVVY!!